That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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