I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
