i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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