i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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