you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
