Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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