It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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