Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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