He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
