just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
