White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
