Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
