idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
