If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
