I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
