Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize