I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
