Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
