drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
