it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
