respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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