Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
