Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
