hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
