Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
