Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
