Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
