Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
