I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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