I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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