I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
did you just send me my own nude
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
