I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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