I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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