I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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