It's Friday. Sex?
You smell like stripper and shame
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
