I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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