talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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