she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
