It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
