there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
