It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
