I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
They have beer where we have blood.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
