If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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