wrigley field is MILF paradise
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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