OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
They have beer where we have blood.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
