I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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