Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
