I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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