Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
