where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
