why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
