mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
