just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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