hotel room ftw
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
