i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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