the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
