If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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