Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
it glows. i had to have it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
