This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
