I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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