A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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