i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
