pedialite and red bull = repair kit
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
not ubering you a puppy
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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